When we were in elementary school, we used to study sciences such as performing investigatory projects, experimentations, and the like. You may have experienced playing around with toxic chemicals, and from this moment on, you may have flashbacks of how much your science teacher reminded you to never mess around these kinds of things. The reason? It’s way too dangerous. The same thing happens when you let toxic people in your life— it’s dangerous for your mental health.
However, sometimes our lives are doomed to deal with toxic people not because they’re really meant to come, but because we have to learn the different toxicities present within our society and learn to deal with them. Toxicity is always everywhere; it may be present in the environment, the people you trust, your family, and even yourself. We all have our individual toxicities because we aren’t born mature, and as part of dealing with toxic people, we should first learn how to accept our own immaturities and red flags too.
In order to deal with toxic people, you should learn things by yourself first. First step, learn how to be kind. Even the most toxic people we know have their own hard situations in life, and who knows, it may also be the cause of their toxicity and unpleasant treatment towards people. No matter how toxic a person is, the best way to address the issue is knowing how to be kind and never try to hurt back. Man is inherently good, therefore treating them uglier than how they did to you would just increase their potential of being toxic to even more people. And we don’t want that.
Next, communicate. Even during the worst times, communicate. Even when you know that no one would listen, tell it anyway. Send a message, meet up, or any other forms of communication— talk in order for you to save your mental health. Keeping your feelings to yourself would not help you in any shape or form, if anything, it will just further harm your well-being. You have been treated badly enough to even let yourself harm the very thing that keeps you sane. Protect your mental health at all costs.
Third, forgive. Forgive because ugly treatment is something we will never forget, even though we try so hard to. Forgive yourself for letting yourself go through this, and forgive those people who treated you badly even without an apology. The best way to move on from trauma brought about by toxic people is to start forgiving and accept that the situation can’t be changed anymore. Feel the emotions that you were supposed to feel, accept the reality, and move on.
Lastly, it is important to note that not all toxic people deserve to be cut off. I get it, we all have our rights to cut people however and whenever we want it. However, even the most important friendships can be toxic too, as well as your most treasured significant other. This is why communication is important because toxicity may stem just by having a lack of communication between concerned parties, and it’s unfortunate how we’re so unaware of it sometimes. It is also important to note that sometimes, the most important people to us could easily cut us off when we couldn’t. The best solution for this? Communicate, compromise, and move forward. You got this!
Signs of Borderline Personality Disorder
If you have a Borderline Personality Disorder (i.e. BPD), everything feels so out of balance. Everything about you seems to be all over the place: your feelings, relationships, moods, behavior, and etc. However, having BPD or mental health concerns does not make you less of a human being. Just like physical illnesses, you can be helped too. The art and science of medicine just works in wonderful ways, so this is a sign for you to never lose hope in yourself even though you may be dealing with mental health disorders.
However, if you are here to know if you potentially have Borderline Personality Disorder, we have provided signs that you can use to assess within yourself. Side note though, this shouldn’t serve as a platform for you to self-diagnose yourself. If you could relate to any of these signs, please do yourself a favor and seek professional help in order to prevent more harm that the following may cause you in the future.
Before anything, let us firstly define BPD or Borderline Personality Disorder. This is a mental health disorder or condition that is characterized by having difficulties in regulating emotions. As we mentioned earlier, having BPD feels like everything is unstable. Even the wavering sense of who you are feels unstable. It feels like you’re constantly going through a change and is totally out of your control. If you have BPD, you may be extremely sensitive and even the smaller things can trigger you. You have trouble calming down in situations that anger you, and self-control is something that you can’t easily do. You may be described as impulsive and reckless as well.
BPD is absolutely treatable. It may not be easy to break dysfunctional patterns of thinking and behavior, but having BPD can be controlled with the right treatments and support. Healing should also come from your initiative; you should be eager to want it in order to get better and have everything balanced.
To assess if you may possibly be suffering from symptoms of BPD, here are things you should know about yourself:
- Do you have a fear of abandonment? Do you often feel empty?
- People with BPD are often sensitive to being left alone. Even having to wait alone in line, sit at a restaurant table to watch for things, or having a loved one arrive home late can trigger this fear. With this, they tend to keep people close and beg for them to stay in most situations. Sadly, this fear tends to have a negative effect rather than a positive one.
- Do you have unstable relationships?
- People with BPD tend to have little long-term relationships— most of them are short-lived and intense. Since they have a fear of abandonment, they could easily fall in love and trust a person, therefore getting even more disappointed and upset when things didn’t go their way. There’s no middle ground between their relationships, it’s either close to perfect or close to horrible.
- Do you have an unclear self-image?
- People with BPD may sometimes have shifting confidence. On some days they feel so good about themselves, the next thing you’ll know, they hate themselves and point out every single one of their flaws. They don’t have a clear idea of who they are and what they want, which may result in frequent changes in their lives such as switching from job to job, leaving friendships and relationships, changing beliefs, etc.
- Are you impulsive?
- People with BPD may have self-destructive behaviors. Since they easily get upset, they tend to engage in sensation-seeking behaviors and activities. They may be impulsive in buying things online, eating, drinking, and even smoking.
- Have you tried to self-harm yourself?
- People with BPD may suffer from suicidal behaviors. They may think about taking their life as a form of escape. They do suicidal gestures and even commit attempts.
Please do note that BPD symptoms are not limited to these. In order to get an official diagnosis, please don’t be afraid to consult a psychologist in order to help yourself better.